I have been married for almost 13 years. Bogie and I met in 1994 while we were both teaching at a private school in Wisconsin. I was teaching Math and he taught History. But I digress.
I was 38 years old and had been making my own decisions about my life for 20 years. Probably more, if truth be told. When we got married in the summer of 1997 I was 40 years old. Yes, it was my first marriage. So needless to say, I had lived 20 years of my adult life alone. By myself. Making my own decisions. I thought of myself as very independent.
When two people get married, all that changes. Overnight, decisions you make involve two people not one. If you have a good marriage (does anyone even know what a good marriage is?), you make decisions jointly, when possible.
At the beginning of our marriage together it was easier to compromise. You are in love, the whole world seems wonderful, so whats a little give and take. We did agree on most things.
The one area we have always struggled with in our marriage is…money. No surprise there, isn’t money the number one cause of divorce in this country? Bogie is, shall we say, frugal. I am cautious with our money. On a scale from 1 to 10, if frugal is 10, then cautious is 6 or 7.
What does this all mean you ask? Well, if I were to tell you the many conversations we have had about money, it would take until 2025. So, I will just give you one example on how we differ when it comes to money.
Recently, I had a small car accident with our SUV. I backed out of our driveway into a poorly parked car. My left rear bumper and the spare tire cover was damaged. The parked vehicle had its front right bumper damaged. Now our car insurance policy, like many all car insurance policies, has a deductible. Our deductible is $500.00. Since this accident was my fault and if we wanted to get our vehicle repaired, we would have to pay the deductible.
Yesterday I took the SUV to a repair shop to get an estimate on what it would cost to repair the damage. The total isn’t important to this story (ok, it was $1,200). Last night Bogie remembered that I had this appointment. He asked about it. I told him what the cost would be to repair the vehicle.
Bogie: We would have to pay the $500 deductible right?.
Me: That is correct.
Bogie: That seems like a lot of money just to repair a small dent in the rear bumper.
Me: I appreciate your input.
That was the end of our conversation on the matter. For last night anyway.
It has taken me almost 13 years to get to a place where my response to this type of comment is I appreciate your input. I think I have grown a great deal. This is the type of decision I used to make all on my own. Back in the day.
So, I have a question for all 5 of my readers…repair the car, or don’t repair the car?
-thotlady
