pup·py

[puhp-ee]

Jerry

 

Whitey

 

-thotlady

We have a large metal crate that we used with our first dog, Bronte and also our male dog, Bramwell.  We are using the same crate for Cody.  We set it up in the middle of our living room as a temporary location.  I wanted to hear him during the night and the living room is within hearing distance of our bedroom.  The family room where we usually kept the crates is in the basement too far from our bedroom.  The first few nights Cody slept in the crate and we didn’t hear a peep out of him.  Then on the 3r or 4th night I heard a loud moaning after I went to bed.  I ran down to the living room and Cody was standing in his crate staring at me.  So, I decided to try to get him upstairs into our bedroom.  At this stage he was still afraid of the stairs.  (Did I mention that?)  Well he was afraid of stairs, so I coaxed him upstairs and tried to get him settled into our room.  He was having none of it, so Bogie volunteered to sleep in the living room on the sofa and put Cody back into his crate.

The next night I thot…the heck with that, we are not sleeping in the living room to accommodate Cody, so again I coaxed him upstairs and closed our bedroom door.  I figured he would eventually settle down on one of the dog pillows on the floor, and or course, he did.  Ever since that night he sleeps in our room and his fear of stairs is no more.  Thank goodness.

We still however, crate Cody during the day while we are at work.  This past Monday, I brought a friend home with me at lunch and when I opened the front door and looked into the living room, the crate was empty, one side of the crate was laying on the crate floor and Cody was no where to be seen.  I panicked of course, and yelled Cody’s name.  He came running down the stairs from the bedrooms.  He seemed fine.  How he was able to pull the end of the crate that houses the crate door down inside the crate and then jump out of the crate I will never know.  This crate is very strong and well put together.  I wasn’t sure what to do when I had to go back to the office after lunch.  I didn’t want to put him back in the crate and have him work his way out again, maybe get caught or hurt himself.  So, since nothing was out of place from his morning freedom, I decided to let him have the run of the middle floors and the upstairs for the afternoon.  When I came back from work the only items Cody had disturbed were the living room curtains, which were pulled a little from the curtain rods, but not damaged, and in the guest bedroom he had clawed at the shade which resulted in two small tears.  Otherwise everything was find.

So, to crate him or not crate him.  He was so frantic in the crate.  He destroyed the dog bed, was able to reach two pairs of my shoes near his crate and chewed them up, he destroyed his leash that was lying near the crate, which he reached through with his paws and snagged.  He destroyed a library book of Bogie’s that was left laying on top of the crate.  So we I decided to give him his freedom, until he abuses it.  Two days and all is good.  I did however, close off the guest bedroom, the library and the bathroom upstairs, so he only has access to our bedroom.  Downstairs he has access to the living room, foyer and dining room.  He seems happier when we leave, no barking and whining.

I would never have imagined he would behave so well outside the crate, since his behavior in the crate was so anxiety ridden.  A wonderful surprise.

Bogie and Cody out for a walk

-thotlady

His name is Cody

-thotlady

Some people just can’t understand that a new dog can never replace a previous dog in your life.  Never.

Part of my adjustment is…no one needs me anymore.  I am not looking for sympathy, it is just a cold, hard, fact.  I am actually a little afraid to get another dog.  I worry that I have some kind of curse when it comes to being a dog owner.  It does make for a lot of guilt on my part.

-thotlady

I have filled out two applications for rescue border collie organizations.  I am not ready, but they will not answer an inquiry unless they have an application from you.  So I bit the bullet and filled two out.

I was talking to a good friend on the phone last night and crying uncontrollably…still.  My heart aches for Brammy and my sweet Charlotte, I know it always will.  And Bronte too.

-thotlady

Each night when I came home from work I would slow the car and stop right in front of our house.  I would look in the window and there Brammy was.   As soon as he recognized me and the car he would stand up on the couch and I would wave to him.  He would get very excited, jump off the couch, and he would be at the family room door as I opened it, so very happy to greet me.

All of that is no more.  One thing I have discovered with the death of our pets is…you cannot share grief.  At least, my grief and sense of loss does not lessen because my husband is also grieving.  Each one of us grieves separately.  I imagine my husband rarely shows me his grief because he worries that it will add to my burden.

There is no right way to grieve.

-thotlady

I also miss him more than I can stand when I am ready to go to bed.  We would take Bramwell out one last time to go pottie.  Then we would say to him “bed time”.  And we would all go upstairs.  Sometimes Bramwell needed some prodding.  Some nights we would leave him down in the family room, but eventually we would hear his feet tapping as he came up the stairs to settle on his pillow or in the corner of the room on Bogie’s side of the bed.

Since Bramwell died I have been going to the athletic center after work almost every day.  I can’t bear to go home directly from work.  Changing my routine is all I can do to help ease the pain.  It’s not much, but at least it is something.  The funny thing is, I still dread going home after I have finished working out.

I took a long walk yesterday.  I took the route Bramwell especially liked.  Good and long.  I cried most of the way.  Unbearable.  But at least I got some exercise out of it.

I miss you my precious boy. Each and every day.

-thotlady

• We found out he had cancer the same day we had to decide to let him go
• Bramwell had to spend four hours of his last 24 in a cage at the emergency vets office, while we waited for the results of his tests
• I didn’t realize sooner that he was sick, I can’t ever truly forgive myself for not doing something  sooner
• I am so angry that our beloved dogs are cursed by having us for owners.  They should be given long full lives to live
• Dogs can’t talk
• That I have to work, which keeps me away from my beloved animals
• That I don’t know how to deal with my grief
• That I didn’t spend more time with him, although I always want to spend more time with them, but because of life, I can’t always choose how I spend my time
• I am angry that my puppies can’t stay with me forever, how crazy is that?